why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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