I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
