I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
