Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
