I hope mine doesn't look like that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
