dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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