lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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