So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
