You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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