I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
