she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
