My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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