yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
