Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
