And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
