the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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