i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
