I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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