You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
