1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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