So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
