respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
