I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
