you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
