everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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