Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
