Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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