I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
