What a fucking waste of an outfit
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
