I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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