Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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