i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
