Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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