You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
