Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
