is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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