I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
