Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
