After last night, I could never be a politician.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
