I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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