I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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