Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
