I wannas sexs uuuuu
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
