i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
