Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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