this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
