There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
