yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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