Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
