I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
