I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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