if you like me you must not know who I am
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
