I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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